Substance - Ketamine
Experience – first time
Setting – my house
Ketamine is a drug I have been interested in for some time. Its dissociative effects seem interesting to me. I only other dissociatives I have had have been DXM and nitrous oxide. On DXM I experienced complete ego loss, and although it was frightening, it was an amazing state. It left me interested in ketamine, as I had been told ketamine could induce ego loss without the extreme side effects of DXM.
I had managed to get 46mg of ketamine from a local source. I was ensured it was enough to get me intoxicated. I wasn’t really looking for intoxication, but I knew it was better to start low. I had spoken to others and they said 46mg would probably not be a very intense dose.
1:00 AM – I finish asking last minute questions to people on IRC (internet chat client). I try to prepare myself mentally, although I’m not quite sure what to expect. Everyone seems to say different things.
1:05 AM – I insufflate 46mg of ketamine. The burn was quite sharp, but it was also quick. It faded within 30 seconds it seemed, so it was not too bad.
1:10 AM – I feel as though I’m being pushed forward. It’s as though I have risen above my seat and am floating forward. It’s a strange feeling. There is numbness in my finger tips, but no mental effects yet.
1:15 AM – I am rocking back and forth as it is all I can manage. Typing has become impossible. Even when I focus hard, I cannot manage to type legibly. I stand up, which is quite strange, and go to turn off the light. With every step I take it feels like a strobe light is going in my head. I am only seeing every few motions. Transitions are lost. It makes walking without bumping in to things extremely hard. Eventually I make it to my room and lay down on my bed.
1:20 AM – I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. I flip off the light.
This is where I lose all concept of time and reality. This part is difficult to remember, but I’ll do my best.
I laid on my back and stared up. The ceiling began to shimmer. Strange patterns began to manifest themselves. The patterns seen were like none other I had ever encountered, and I consider myself a fairly seasoned traveler. They seemed to have deep purple and blue shades to them, and they were just spinning bars.
Music began to play. It wasn’t from a stereo, it was from my head. I could decide a song, and it played. The Rolling Stones “Paint it Black” began to play in my head. I am not sure why I chose this song, but it began to play and it sounded amazing.
More bizarre images began to appear. Numerous fractals were visible, but even more interesting were the non-fractal images. I saw an image of a house with little elves working on it. They were all singing a song, and I knew all the words.
Then two bars appeared. They looked like long chrome bars. The began to spin and they burst into blue flames. A voice in my head was chanting “blue flame, blue flame.” I decided to try to change this, and I thought “red flame.” Instantly the colors changed. I was interacting with the images I saw. Then, to see what would happen, I thought “kaleidoscope.” The flaming bars vanished and my whole visuals field was filled with amazing colorful patterning. I was watching a mental television that was on my ceiling.
At this point I rolled over and looked at the time.
10 minutes had elapsed.
I then closed my eyes, and I disappeared. Everything about me was gone. I couldn’t even think to remember my name. The visions faded, as well as the room. The room was no longer recognizable. I completely lost all sense of self and body.
This is where my memories end.
I blinked my eyes, and it was 2:05 AM. I had only been in that state for 45 minutes, but it seemed like years. I was in complete awe of what had just happened.
2:10 AM – I stand up and go back to my computer. I feel very nauseas. I am still slightly under the influence, but I no longer numb and I can manage to type.
2:15 AM – I throw up a lot in the bathroom. I feel better as soon as I do.
2:30 AM – I have no trouble falling asleep.
Ketamine is without a doubt the most bizarre psychedelic I have ever used. Once again, I prove to be a light weight with chemicals. I got quite confused and frightened at times, but overall it was very positive. I do not recall what happened during those 20 minutes. I wish there were a way to call it back, but I suppose those thoughts are lost forever.
I will definitely try ketamine again. Next time I won’t even attempt to type to people. I think I will spend the whole time laying on my back, watching my mental television.
I had been told many different things about ketamine. But nothing quite described what I felt. I guess ketamine is one of those drugs you just have to experience for yourself.